Now go consciously

We all have patterns to break. The ones that keep us stuck, that prevent us from moving onward, from spreading outward. Prevent us from coming fully into ourselves.
Seems like most of them began during a time we were less conscious of what was happening.
If I was conscious and aware as a child, I wouldn't have internalized the things I did that have stuck with me through all these years.
If only what I knew now could be applied to what I experienced then.

But it can.
Clearly, what I experienced then is still alive and functioning in me now.
It's still fucking up my relationships and my progress, so clearly it hasn't left me.

...

A few days after that realization, I picked up my trusty copy of Awareness, by Osha. A book that I've been in the process of reading for about 5 years now. And every time I pick it back up, it's at the exact spot I need it to be.

...

Check it...
From Chapter: Many Illnesses, One Perscription; Section: The Rut and the Wheel

Whatever happens to you -- you feel sad -- just close your eyes and watch your saddness -- follow where it leads, go deeper into it. Soon you will come to the cause. Maybe you will have to travel long, because this whole life is involved... You will find many wounds in you... those wounds have not gone dry yet; they are alive. The method of going back to the source, from the effect to the cause, will heal them.

Whenever you go backward, the first thing you drop is throwing responsibility on others, because if you throw responsibility on the other, you go outward. Then the whole process is wrong...

"Why am I sad? Why do I feel unsafe?" -- close your eyes and let it be a deep meditation. Feel why you are sad. Forget outside factors, those are excuses.

You close the eyes, feel the sadness, let it arise in its totality so that you can see it completely, what it is. Then let that energy help you to move toward the past, because the sadness is coming from the past... Go back. There may not be one wound, there may be many -- small, big. Go deeper and find the first would, the original source of sadness. You will be able to find it if you try, because it is already there...

This is the beauty of the process: if you can consciously go backward, if you can consciously feel a wound, the wound is immediately healed...

A wound is created by unconsciousness, unawareness. A wound is part of ignorance, sleep. In the unconscious those wounds have been preserved. Now go consciously.

Go back -- just the light of consciousness heals; it is a healing force.

When those wounds open inside you, don't start doing anything. There is no need to do. You simply watch, look, observe. The wound is there -- you simply watch, give your watching energy to the wound, look at it. Look at it without any judgment -- because if you judge, if you say "This is bad, you shouldn't be here," the wound will close again and hide.

Don't ask me why it happens, because it is a natural phenomenon... When a detached, compassionate consciousness comes to a wound, the wound disappears -- evaporates. There is no why to it. It is simply natural, it is how it is, it is how it happens... This is the way.

...

The next chapter of Awareness is "Awareness in Action." I haven't read past that title. Let's see how long until I'm moved to pick it up again. Hopefully not long.

How's this for a new year's resolution... go back consciously. shed light on the dark and move on.

(I hate insomnia... hopefully the brain now is satisfied)