But right now I have a life, a sense of self, that is split up into two realms. There's the Before The Accident stuff. And the Since The Accident stuff.
The event of falling 30 feet by a voluntary action and the following maybe... 1 minute... became a force which everything before and after revolve around. Not to mention the following three weeks in a hospital, four surgeries (in a week), two months in a wheelchair and 6 months of physical therapy.
Falling 30 feet, shattering both my ankles, severing every spinal ligament and crushing the top half of a vertebra has not stopped changing my life. Facing your death does that to you, I guess. Facing death, then turning around and seeing the exact path that lead you there. All the way down there at rock bottom.
At the worst of my worst, I always tried to find that little glimmer of hope. When you're in that bad of a place, that is literally LITERALLY. All you can do. I questioned the doctors for that one thing I could do to start getting where I needed to be.... which was the Hell out of where I was.
The first thing I was able to do was wiggle my toes. I would wiggle them and stretch the tendons in my ankles that had been mangled and cut apart and put back together. The ankles I'd known were no longer. I loved wiggling my toes because I was getting somewhere. I was slowly but damn surely getting myself out of a terrible situation.
When it's bad and you feel like you don't have a choice, just find the things you can do... and maybe it's just one thing. And maybe it's a small thing. But do it. Keep doing it. Soon you'll be able to do more. And then even more. Until you're back on your feet, walking again. We're always going somewhere. Are you taking yourself there?
Is it bad today? Well are you laying in a hospital bed? Please remember how much worse it can get.
This too shall pass.
In the meantime... just wiggle.
Do what you can right now.
The rest will come when it comes.
Your job is to let it.
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