bulletproof

i would be sad to learn someone would use these lyrics to describe the way they felt about me.
glad that i'm the one writing, and not the one reading.


Been there done that messed around,
I'm having fun don't put me down
I'll never let you
sweep me off my feet.

I won't let you in again,
The messages I've tried to send,
My information's just not going in.

Burning bridges shore to shore,
I'll break away from something more
I'm not turned on to love
until it's cheap.

Been there done that messed around
I'm having fun don't put me down,
I'll never let you
sweep me off my feet.

This time baby I'll be bulletproof,
This time baby I'll be bulletproof.

I won't let you turn around
And tell me now I'm much too proud
To walk away from something
when it's dead.

Do do do your dirty words
Come out to play when you are hurt
There's certain things
that should be left unsaid.

Tick tick tick tick on the watch
And life's too short for me to stop
Oh baby, your time is running out.

I won't let you turn around
And tell me now I'm much too proud
All you do
is fill me up with doubt.

This time baby I'll be bulletproof

my blanket

i had a blanket growing up.
it was given to me when i was born.
i slept with it every night until i left it in a hotel when i was 11.
i can still explain how good the blanket felt when i clutched it and slept with it against my face because for some reason these days as i'm falling asleep, i find myself aching for 'my blanket' for the first time in 17 years.
it's the feeling it brought me that i find myself missing.
a sense of comfort and security. a hug.
something i can hold in the physical world.
something that holds me.

i have a new security blanket now...

send it off the mat

instead of my practice this morning being all about myself, i dedicated it to my sister.
i'd been feeling, seeing, sensing ... that i needed to venture out of my head, out of my body ... for a change. it's a beautiful place to be, just not the only place to be.

i've never done that before, dedicated my yoga to another person. it's MY yoga. me, alone, mine.

balance, remember?

share your yoga.

send it off that mat.

breathe for your neighbor.
breathe in a way that will remind them to breathe.
and guess what, they're doing it for you too. doesn't that feel good?


les said today, dedicate your practice to someone else for a change. think of someone in your life who you would want to share this with.

i thought of my sister and my mom immediately... and then i went off and thought of someone else. tried him on for a second or two. mmmm wasn't sure it was the right thing for me. then les said right before we began the first asana, "who ever you thought of first, that's the right one."

my sister.

i felt the love i have for my sister. how i want nothing more than for her to feel balanced and happy and calm. i sent that out to her. i felt like i was wrapping her up in it. which wrapped me in it too.
warm and loving and embracing.

see what happens when we give?
so full.
fill it up.

another example of how narcissistic my blog is

recently and more frequently than ever before, people have been telling me who i look like.... so i wanted to see all those faces together.

the first one i ever heard

the one i hear most often

when i'm making a certain expression

my favorite

random.. but i can see it

would hear people tell my mom this when i was younger

and i even cover the cartoon demographic.

flip it

Start turning some battles into opportunities to express yourself more.... to express more of your self. Don't run away. Stay and show yourself through it.
Show yourself to yourself.

if you're afraid of the dark...

remember the night rainbow

2009 Love poem

I have so much I'd want to say
about men I've met along the way.
Varied and very.
Married and marry.
....yes...
so much I could eloquently express,
If only they all didn't read this. ;-)

The point of everything...

The night before I lost everything was like any other night.
Anna and I kept each other awake very late.
Young sisters in a bed under a roof of their childhood home. Wind on the window.
How could anything less deserve to be destroyed?
I thought we would be awake all night. Awake the rest of our lives.
The hairs of our arms touched.
It was late and we were tired.
We assumed there would be other nights.
She rolled onto her side.
I said, I want to tell you something.
She said, You can tell me tomorrow.
I had never told her how much I loved her.
She was my sister.
We slept in the same bed.
There was never a right time to say it.
It was always unnecessary.
I thought about waking her.
But it was unnecessary.
There would be other nights.
And how can you say I love you to someone you love?
I rolled onto my side and fell asleep next to her.
Here is the point of everything I have been trying to tell you, Oskar.
It is always necessary.
I love you,
Grandma.

-JSF, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

i just finished this amazing book.
do yourself a favor and
read it.