Single Girl.

This is an old rant I just came across in my files. Oh Sarah, you get so worked up :)

I’m single and 27

There must be something wrong with me. Not because I’m single, but because I’m ok with it.

People feel bad for me. What am I missing?

Even the woman doing my nails tried to offer comfort for my sad lot in life. Are you married? Ha! No. Not married. First I’d need a boyfriend. Well you’re pretty, so you’ll find one. Yeah, don’t worry! Oh, thank you nail lady I just met, I was really worried, but thanks to this therapeutic manicure I think I just might be able to make it through another sad lonely weekend of doing whatever the hell I want because I don’t have to cross-reference my plans with someone else’s. Phew!

Sarah who are you bringing to the Christmas party? No one. No date. Oh really? Well what about one of your roommates? They’re cute! Oooor I just show up alone and not have to worry how the forced small talk is going between my guy roommate and one of my middle-aged busy-body co-workers (not you Kimm!) who spend the whole conversation thinking of all the reasons why I should be dating him. Sarah, he’s cute! Why aren't you going out with him!?

And how sad of a life I must have. Obviously I should avoid all contact with all things “couple.” I would hang out with girls I work with, but they all live with their boyfriends. Guess that's out. My Christmas party is coming up. I’m the only employee out of 26 who is not in a serious relationship. I should scrounge to find a date. Obviously I can’t go alone. Obviously I should feel really bad about that. Bring anyone, bring my roommate, my brother, my mom. Going alone is obviously not an option right? I should be afraid of that, right?

But I’m not. I’m ok being by myself. I’m comfortable being alone. I like trying new things that no one I know is trying. Is this weird? Does this set me on a path of being alone forever? Why isn’t my number one priority “find a man” so I can be complete? Why do I refuse to latch on to someone first, then try things second? What went wrong in my “becoming a woman” training?

Obviously nothing. I am a single woman, but don't worry! My heart is full! I will always have all the love I need because I get it from myself. There's room for more, but I'll be good regardless. Chill ladies, all will be fine. I'm fine.

So ok, I wrote that over 3 months ago. Today I'm not so annoyed at people being concerned about my single status. I wonder though.

If I'm so ok being single, why do I want a date? Oh. This is another balancing act. Balance being self-sufficient but at the same time, be open to relationships. Just open though. Not searching. Another balancing act. Have an open heart, but don't let it bleed.