Curly Bird

There's this box... a glass one. Like your glasses, picture this Rose-Colored. It's very... lived-in and loved up. *More* than comfortable to the little birds who live there. The nests are warm and loving. The nests are embracing. The birds are happy. They don't fly much. They mostly nuzzle in deeper. Especially when the environment gets cold. It's a good thing though - the more they nuzzle, the stronger the nests become.

But see that in the corner there? There's this little curly bird. A red one. You see her. She's testing her strength. The nest has been helping her grow. And she's realizing she has this... wingspan. She likes it. But she knows she won't fit if she spreads it.

Then it happens. A window opens. The breeze picks up and curly bird catches the scent. She goes for it. She's gone. Her Red wings strong. Sun shining on her feathers. Her next journey... begun.

14-year Old Me Writes "Older Me" a Letter...

January 15, 1996
It's 1:30am. The reason I'm up so late is because I've just been laying down, thinking. I got to thinking about this diary. What will I do with this one, the one I had before and the one's after this (if any). I've decided that I'll keep it forever and when I'm older I can read it. So then I was thinking that when I'm older, I would enjoy reading about what I did every day or things that have been going on lately. Well older me, whats your life like? Do you have a life like I said I would at this age now? (I'm 14) You know, a perfect husband, 3 or 4 kids with cute names? Do you still talk to the original members of "the gang"? (Janae, Becky, Lori, Jes, Jo, Jen, & Tiffany). [Then I go on for 2.5 pages on specifics of each friend] If you (the person reading this) are not me you probably won't get what I mean. But if you aren't me, than you shouldn't be reading this anyway so STOP!.... K, now that they're gone, older me, you understand what I'm saying right? Well now it's 2:15am and my eyes are burning. Bye! Love always, Sarah

A Frustrated Post.... Tighten your F**cking Core.

You picked up that box without a second thought. Your back was hunched, and your muscles were strained. Don't you realize what you're risking?? Bend with your knees!!! How hard is that to remember???

I say over and over that we need to strengthen our cores. I don't know how to convey to people how important that is. So maybe I should stop trying. People try to get me to stop drinking so much coffee.... I know it'd be better for me if I did. And I don't do anything about it. But so... I'm a hypocrite. Who cares.

I'll end up dehydrated with a weak immune system and shitty sleeping patterns. If you don't take care of your back, you'll ruin your life. If my entire life didn't revolve around a miracle... around the freak outcome of a 30-foot drop.... I'd be typing this from a wheelchair. And in fact, I probably wouldn't be typing this at all.

Your. Whole. Life. depends on you taking care of your back. Your WHOLE life!!! Figure it out.

Finding Wiggle Room

Everything in my life these days somehow revolves around what happened to me on May 21st, 2007. Early Sunday morning. I hope soon, that won't be the case.

But right now I have a life, a sense of self, that is split up into two realms. There's the Before The Accident stuff. And the Since The Accident stuff.

The event of falling 30 feet by a voluntary action and the following maybe... 1 minute... became a force which everything before and after revolve around. Not to mention the following three weeks in a hospital, four surgeries (in a week), two months in a wheelchair and 6 months of physical therapy.

Falling 30 feet, shattering both my ankles, severing every spinal ligament and crushing the top half of a vertebra has not stopped changing my life. Facing your death does that to you, I guess. Facing death, then turning around and seeing the exact path that lead you there. All the way down there at rock bottom.

At the worst of my worst, I always tried to find that little glimmer of hope. When you're in that bad of a place, that is literally LITERALLY. All you can do. I questioned the doctors for that one thing I could do to start getting where I needed to be.... which was the Hell out of where I was.

The first thing I was able to do was wiggle my toes. I would wiggle them and stretch the tendons in my ankles that had been mangled and cut apart and put back together. The ankles I'd known were no longer. I loved wiggling my toes because I was getting somewhere. I was slowly but damn surely getting myself out of a terrible situation.

When it's bad and you feel like you don't have a choice, just find the things you can do... and maybe it's just one thing. And maybe it's a small thing. But do it. Keep doing it. Soon you'll be able to do more. And then even more. Until you're back on your feet, walking again. We're always going somewhere. Are you taking yourself there?

Is it bad today? Well are you laying in a hospital bed? Please remember how much worse it can get.

This too shall pass.
In the meantime... just wiggle.
Do what you can right now.
The rest will come when it comes.
Your job is to let it.

Single Girl.

This is an old rant I just came across in my files. Oh Sarah, you get so worked up :)

I’m single and 27

There must be something wrong with me. Not because I’m single, but because I’m ok with it.

People feel bad for me. What am I missing?

Even the woman doing my nails tried to offer comfort for my sad lot in life. Are you married? Ha! No. Not married. First I’d need a boyfriend. Well you’re pretty, so you’ll find one. Yeah, don’t worry! Oh, thank you nail lady I just met, I was really worried, but thanks to this therapeutic manicure I think I just might be able to make it through another sad lonely weekend of doing whatever the hell I want because I don’t have to cross-reference my plans with someone else’s. Phew!

Sarah who are you bringing to the Christmas party? No one. No date. Oh really? Well what about one of your roommates? They’re cute! Oooor I just show up alone and not have to worry how the forced small talk is going between my guy roommate and one of my middle-aged busy-body co-workers (not you Kimm!) who spend the whole conversation thinking of all the reasons why I should be dating him. Sarah, he’s cute! Why aren't you going out with him!?

And how sad of a life I must have. Obviously I should avoid all contact with all things “couple.” I would hang out with girls I work with, but they all live with their boyfriends. Guess that's out. My Christmas party is coming up. I’m the only employee out of 26 who is not in a serious relationship. I should scrounge to find a date. Obviously I can’t go alone. Obviously I should feel really bad about that. Bring anyone, bring my roommate, my brother, my mom. Going alone is obviously not an option right? I should be afraid of that, right?

But I’m not. I’m ok being by myself. I’m comfortable being alone. I like trying new things that no one I know is trying. Is this weird? Does this set me on a path of being alone forever? Why isn’t my number one priority “find a man” so I can be complete? Why do I refuse to latch on to someone first, then try things second? What went wrong in my “becoming a woman” training?

Obviously nothing. I am a single woman, but don't worry! My heart is full! I will always have all the love I need because I get it from myself. There's room for more, but I'll be good regardless. Chill ladies, all will be fine. I'm fine.

So ok, I wrote that over 3 months ago. Today I'm not so annoyed at people being concerned about my single status. I wonder though.

If I'm so ok being single, why do I want a date? Oh. This is another balancing act. Balance being self-sufficient but at the same time, be open to relationships. Just open though. Not searching. Another balancing act. Have an open heart, but don't let it bleed.

The World has Changed, People!

We have a black president.
He took full advantage of our current technological playground to get elected. Don't you want to play in that sandbox?

It's time we all accept that e-living has irreversibly saturated life as we know it... and it's not going away.

Regardless of personal opinion on the topic, there is no denying that people and businesses are using this "second revolution of the internet" to their advantage. If you're not one of them, you are categorically Missing Out.

Web 2.0 ( <- that's a link, click it if you don't know what "Web 2.0" is) takes what we do in our real physical world and it enhances it. It sharpens the focus on the high points of our lives. It illuminates the parts of ourselves we want to show off. Um... hi, meet my blog.

It helps businesses find their customers, new mothers find information, recession victims find new jobs and rewarding volunteer opportunities. And it has shown anyone who'll pay attention the power of collaboration.

So yes, I know you think it's stupid that people are telling you what they're doing every 5 minutes with Facebook status updates. But let's face it. The small annoying parts of social networking and all it's Web counterparts are just a tiny drop of water in the tidal wave overcoming us - you can either ride it and surf on in to the sunset, or you can fold your arms, do nothing and watch yourself sink to the bottom. Your choice y'all.

Sink or swim?

Watch me go

She's here. She's happy!
She's strong. She is funny.
She's ready. She is running.

If it doesn't offend SOMEBODY

then what is the damn point.

my dad would be so proud to hear me say that.

eve allowed to eat the apple

vice.
definition: moral weakness.

the way the saying goes, we're all allowed to have one.
we're allowed to... allow ourselves to what we please.
eve allowed to eat the apple.

Giving in to the vice, you take a breath and take it in.
You let it out, and you let it go. And you probably do it again.

another definition: sexual immorality.
interesting. is sex a sin? i can't keep track.

It's permission to give in every now and then.
To throw your hands up, take a deep breath, and release.

The grip loosens. The white knuckles fade. You'll grab hold again, but you just need this one second. Just one bite.