painful

I explained it verbally for the first time to someone. she said "that is REALLY expressive." i don't think she knew what else to do with it. i wouldn't have if i were her.

i have all this built up energy. for me, that equals pain. so when i say "energy" imagine it as an uncomfortable, painful sensation.

i've had all this built up energy. i'm just starting to get it moving. SUCH A GOOD THING.

but i'm in yoga, i'm getting it moving.

in forward-fold for a bit, my favorite pose, i feel the energy moving down my back. or i guess.. moving UP my back... but i'm upside down. you yogis know.

so my back is opening up in ways it needs to, but that means... i feel the pain spreading.

the way i explained it verbally is... i feel this cloud of pain spreading over my entire back.

i'm moving energy that needs to be moved. but there's SO much of it... at this point it's just going to move around on the inside. it's pain that's just going to be spread.

i can tell it's a good thing. it's moving. but.
there's so much of it.
it's got no where to go.
there's too much of it to expect that i'm going to get it OUT through stretching.

imagine.
every breath you take moves your energy around.
imagine that energy being painful.
that's what i experience in yoga.
that's the experience i keep searching for.
eventually, it will find it's way out.
i just have to open the road for it to leave.