no one's looking at you

no one's looking at you in yoga. most of us are too busy being self-absorbed.

is that the point? or the problem...

i feel like this just happened to me

making sure this comes next

disappear

who. are. you.

enjoy that walk, girl. don't get distracted.
get there.

So THIS is what they meant...

I saw a woman holding a little baby the other day

And I swear my uterus grew arms
and punched me.

.....................

You've all heard the "my clock is ticking" comments. Well let me just say, there is truth to the cliche. Unfortunately.

The body is a powerful, beautiful mechanism. I'm in awe.

More on this topic later....

don' be fool

push play

you not in the right place mista'

but i not lonely here
somebody want me here

it nice it happen to ya
like you come to de island on holiday
sun didn' burn ya red red
jus' brown
but da truth is
bown' to happen
if you stay long enough

so take that nice picta you got in ya head wit ya
but don' be fool
we lonely mostly here too

and if we lucky,
maybe,
we got some nice pictures to take wit us

-Meet Joe Black
'Sooner or later, Everyone Does'

Hard to let go, isn't it?
Yes it is.
Well.
That's life.
What can I tell you.

be grateful

happy thanksgiving everyone. remember to

"Life is about learning. What I learned from everything this year... well, one of the things I learned this year was how important it is to be grateful. How it's most important to be grateful when it seems you have no right to be. And that if you're always grateful for what you have, then you'll always have enough.

Put this card some where you'll see it every day and remind yourself:

I have enough. I am enough. Life is good. And for that, I am grateful."

-me, Xmas 2007
a card and blurb i gave everyone i could think of (family, friends, every co-worker, nurses, doctors, x-ray technicians, neighbors, mailmen, and more)

It really is so important. Life is not guaranteed.
Your ability to breathe in and out
your ability to put one foot in front of the other
is not guaranteed.
Be grateful for it.
Enjoy it. Please.

painful

I explained it verbally for the first time to someone. she said "that is REALLY expressive." i don't think she knew what else to do with it. i wouldn't have if i were her.

i have all this built up energy. for me, that equals pain. so when i say "energy" imagine it as an uncomfortable, painful sensation.

i've had all this built up energy. i'm just starting to get it moving. SUCH A GOOD THING.

but i'm in yoga, i'm getting it moving.

in forward-fold for a bit, my favorite pose, i feel the energy moving down my back. or i guess.. moving UP my back... but i'm upside down. you yogis know.

so my back is opening up in ways it needs to, but that means... i feel the pain spreading.

the way i explained it verbally is... i feel this cloud of pain spreading over my entire back.

i'm moving energy that needs to be moved. but there's SO much of it... at this point it's just going to move around on the inside. it's pain that's just going to be spread.

i can tell it's a good thing. it's moving. but.
there's so much of it.
it's got no where to go.
there's too much of it to expect that i'm going to get it OUT through stretching.

imagine.
every breath you take moves your energy around.
imagine that energy being painful.
that's what i experience in yoga.
that's the experience i keep searching for.
eventually, it will find it's way out.
i just have to open the road for it to leave.