the rescue

Come little one
the danger is over
i'm here now

put your hand in mine
i wont let you go.

you're safe here. i love you.
everything will be ok.
i promise.

living, learning, and doing it anyway

the lovely thing about a 29-year old is – she’s is learning so much now. she’s becoming that strong powerful woman in charge. a queen, not a princess.

and the lovely thing about that is – she still falls sometimes, somewhere in the middle of being old enough to know what she’s doing… but young enough to do it anyway.

Rising moments

During this post, I'm going to say "balloon thing" a lot.

This is what I'm referring to:

At Treasure Island this weekend, there were these huge "balloon chains" about a mile long each. Maybe not that long, I don't know. But they were massively long. And the balloons were huge.

After deciding to watch Surfer Blood sitting down in the grass, I see a man at the end of one of these balloon things (the one in the picture above, to be specific). He's manipulating it. It's reaching from one end of the crowd to the other. He's making it arch higher and lower, moving it from one part of the crowd to the other. Are you getting it? This has proven so hard to explain.

Try more pictures:

From my camera

From the internets

Ok, on with it.

This guy at the end of the huge balloon thing; Mesmerizing. I couldn't take my eyes off him. He was controlling that... thing... that was such an integral part of the crowd, of the concert, of the vibe, of the energy. He was owning it. Moving it. Changing it however he wanted.

I told my friend Brooke, "That guy is the sexiest thing at this entire concert. Look at him just moving that balloon thing however the f*ck he wants to." I also mentioned that, like the guys that light the cannons during a huge firework show, he probably felt his balls growing huger by the minute. Manly. Power. Work it.

I digress..

Balloon guy (who we later find out is Daniel.. beautiful Daniel) started going up to groups of people and doing some hand trick with the string (actually super strong plastic or something) and letting random strangers pull the string in, then release the balloons back up to the sky.

Daniel came over to our group.

So Brooke started chatting him up, trying to open it up for he and I to talk to each other. She asked if he was getting paid to do what he was doing. He said he was a volunteer. The man that created this amazing "balloon thing" for Burning Man was a friend of his. And Daniel just does this because he wants to. Heartbeat.Heartbeat.LoveYou.Heartbeat.

I didn't feel the need to yell and make him notice me at that moment. So I didn't. But I did snap a million pictures of him while he helped my friend Joe pull the string down, then release it back up into the atmosphere. After Daniel was out of camera shot and I felt I got what I wanted, I told Brooke "that totally got me off." Daniel. Doing it for me. I don't know that I've ever been so animalistically (yes, a word) attracted to anyone like that before.

About an hour later, we were back at that spot to watch Rouge Wave. And Daniel was still doing his balloon thing. But he was slowing down. Going up to fewer groups. Moving around less.

I wanted to talk to him. I just wanted... him. His energy. I wanted to talk about this balloon thing. I wanted to absorb him and all that he stood for.

I hesitated going out to meet him and absorb him. Then a voice in my head said to me, "You're letting this become just another situation where you didn't do what you really wanted to do."

I took one more look at my friends, then I bolted on to the grass and out to Daniel. No inner dialogue. Just walking. Straight to sexy balloon man holding that damn balloon string.

He didn't see me walking towards him and started walking farther from me. So now I'm following him. I caught up to him as he was turning around to face my direction.

So I smile, "I came out here to talk to you."
Daniel said, "Oh yeah?"
I respond, "Yeah, I'm kinda hypnotized by this balloon thing you've got here."
He asked, "Do you want to play with it?"

He looked in my eyes, asked my name, shook my hand, said "It is very lovely to meet you" and then explained the little game we were about to play.

I asked him to hold my beer, he warned me he would drink it.

He then walked farther away from me, holding his end of the balloon thing, I stood in one place hand-over-handing it so eventually the balloons were closer to the heads of the concert goers in front of the stage, came down to a point at me, then arched back up and down to Daniel. Here, I drew it for you:

So when Daniel raised his arm up, that was my indication to let it go. Release the balloon thing, in the official sense. I watched him, he raised his arm up, I let it go.

(I. Let. It. Go.)

Daniel and I walked back to each other, talked about how simple but amazing the whole thing (the whole balloon thing, to be exact) is. We joked, we laughed, he handed me back my beer.

And then as fate would have it, a woman with a walkie-talkie came up and required Daniel's attention with something. He followed her and I started to walk back to my friends. I called out, "It was so nice to meet you!" and he came back to me.

He grabbed my hand again, kissed my cheek, said "It was so nice *kiss on the cheek* to meet you" and as we parted ways for the last time, he pointed at me, walking backwards saying, "Sarah. You are beautiful and such a lovely person. Don't Ever *point* kid yourself."

I stopped in my tracks and as he turned around to leave, all I could yell back was "OK." I had a lump in my throat and a chill on my skin.

How did he know to say that to me? How did he know I kidded myself all the time? That I was kidding myself before I got the balls to walk on that grass to talk to him? Daniel, what a gift. He was there. I was there. I showed up. And look what I found.

....

I stood there. Seeing something I wanted. Envisioning a person I maybe could be... maybe next time. And then I became that person. And I was convinced, by a relative stranger, that I am that person.

I saw something I wanted. I was stopped by fear. But then I. Let. It. Go.

And I got what I wanted and more.

Thank you sexy balloon guy. Thank you me.

....

Official Balloon Thing website: http://www.balloonchain.com/

Turn around. Make it right.

Hi Path.
Yeah, I see you there. But I've been over here.
Doing this. And all of that.
But I know, you're right, none of that. Or any of that.

I'm coming Path, I'm coming back.

Play your love games

You dont want to put your heart in the game before it's safe. So you keep it behind a wall. Waiting for the green light.
But
so is he.
So you stand there facing each other.
Waiting for the other person to move first. Once they do, you'll see that green light.
You both stand there. Still. Watching. Waiting.
No one moves.
So then every one leaves.

I don't want anything to happen to him, Sarah.

Guess today calls for a blog post.
My dad.
In the hospital. Cancer. Prostate removed.
The doctors are more than pleased with how the surgery went, and with how he's doing.
But...
they told him he'd be home this morning.
And he's still there. And he's tired. And so frustrated. And in pain.

His girlfriend is being more than amazing. I told her I'm not sure I'll ever be able to thank her enough. I won't. That's my DAD she's looking after.

My cousin, his niece, flew in today to help.
She'd offered, he said it wasn't necessary. I sensed it was. Emailed her. She bought a plane ticket that next morning.

We all met at the hospital. My sister and I had been there since early afternoon. Sally (girlfriend) left to pick Lisa (cousin) up from the airport. My sister and I did our best to keep him comfortable and as entertained as possible. Crossword puzzles. Piano music from my iPod so he could sleep. This Old House on PBS. Hands to hold. Extra pillows. Fewer pillows. More blankets. Fewer blankets. Walks down the hall. Call the nurse. Ask for more pain medication. Make sure the prune juice was warmed up.

Lisa and Sally showed up and we all let Sally stay with him alone for a while. She has a way with him. And he needed it right then.

After eating dinner with my mom, Lisa and I came to my dad's, where I now sit typing this. She walked in about 10 minutes before I did, after 15 years of being away. When I walked in to help her find the keys to his truck so she could go relieve Sally and spend some time with my dad, I found her standing in the middle of his living room with tears in her eyes.

"I don't want anything to happen to him, Sarah."
"Me either Lisa."

........

This is a much longer story than I've made it here. I hope to elaborate later. I love my dad. More than words can say. I'm overwhelmed tonight.

Bigger Smaller Picture

I'm a marketer.
Marketers try and appeal to people. To get them to buy this, or shop here, or in my case, "Sign up for this and watch (so then I can provide your contact information to a company so they can ask you to BUY) this."

I tempt people with the lure of "free" information. Knowledge.
But it's not without it's cost.

Decisive

After three months of dating, but not dating.
She woke up one morning and realized,

"..this is not what I want.

So... I'm gonna go."

And she left.
Wrapped her scarf around her shoulders, put her sunglasses over her eyes, walked herself to the alley that is Linden Street and ordered a Blue Bottle New Orleans style iced coffee with soy milk. Because that is what she wanted. So she went and she got it.
Done.